Donald Trump Assures America He is Well-Endowed – Vanity Fair

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For months, everyday Americans, pundits, and politicians alike have bemoaned the level of rhetoric the Republican candidates have stooped to in this presidential primary season. The insults have been low, the personal attacks unyielding.

It seemed the candidates had finally hit rock bottom last week, when Donald Trump and Marco Rubio swung back and forth at each other over spray tans, heavy sweating, and pants-wetting. It turns out, we had further to fall, and who better to take that great leap lower than Trump.

In a Fox News debate on Thursday evening, the front-runner for the Republican nomination for the highest office in the land stood before a television audience of millions and reassured the American people about the size of his private parts.

In fairness, Trump did not just burst out with the good news unprovoked. His admission came as a response to the moderators’ questions about the childish tit-for-tat he and Rubio had been engaging in. But Trump made the jump to defending his undercarriage all on his own.

“I have to say this, he hit my hands,” Trump said. The real estate developer was referring to comments Rubio made last weekend in Virginia, when he claimed that though Trump is tall, “his hands are the size of someone who is 5’2”. And you know what they say about men with small hands? You can’t trust them.”

Trump took the criticism head on Thursday night. “He referred to my hands—if they’re small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee it.”

There you have it, folks. The state of our union is so strong that those gunning to be Commander-in-Chief have resorted to locker-room comparisons to show who is most fit for office. There is no surer way to make America great again than to make sure we elect a well-endowed president, specifically one so secure in his masculinity that he is eager to tell millions of viewers just how big he is.

Rubio seemed to concede the point later on in the debate. After Trump repeatedly called him “Little Marco,” Rubio retorted by referring to him as, “Big Don.” It was just about the only thing the two agreed on all night, as they continued to duke it out on stage in Rubio’s last-ditch effort to make inroads against the candidate, who has run away with 10 of the first 15 primary contests. So far, Rubio has claimed victory in only Minnesota.

But for all his success in the polls, Trump’s memory seems to be failing him. Before he devolved into below-the-belt talk, Trump said he had never heard any commentary about his hands prior to Rubio‘s references. But Trump has been dodging criticism about the size of his fingers for some time. This magazine‘s editor has been in a deadlock with Trump on the issue for a quarter century or so.


Donald Trump Assures America He is Well-Endowed – Vanity Fair